Being brave.
You don’t really think about being brave until you have to be brave, but by that time it takes a moment to work out what it means for you. Some people go through life never having to worry about summoning the courage to do something scary. Then there are others, who have to face situations that feel like they’re stepping into the sun. There’s light there, but there will be some fire along the way.
The question is whether or not you are ready to embrace a little burning for ultimate light in your life.
Being brave is necessary in a lot of situations, but the biggest bravery comes from leaving someone you once relied on. It’s even more brave when you’re leaving an abusive, scary and tumultuous situation that you may never have believed you could.
If you are in an abusive relationship and you have finally made the break – congratulations. You have stepped into the sun and are embracing the initial burn. It hurts, despite the abuse you’ve suffered – whether that be financially, emotionally or physically. You have taken yourself and your children away from a situation of pain and you have made a decision to change your story.
This is brave.
While you are in a pit of terror, fear and courage all mixed together in Confusion Soup, you still have to talk to the kids about it. It’s not easy to explain to children what it means to be separate from the other parent. It’s not a simple conversation, to explain you don’t have to be afraid anymore. For most conventional families, Dr. Maker’s children’s book about family changes can be a help.
When you’ve been through a trauma, you need something bigger. Therapy can be an excellent tool to work with your children and help them to establish feelings of security and happiness once more, without an abusive influence in their life. It takes time, effort, work and a lot of tears to get to that point, but you’ve come this far. You’ve managed to walk away from someone who has hurt you.
You can do this, too.
Children are resilient creatures and can adapt to almost any new situation. So, staying for children? Not necessary, nor is it a good idea – they pick up on the unhappiness regardless. You need to work on yourself, on feeling like you’re standing up once more. It’s horrifying to be a victim. Even if you haven’t been physically harmed, the emotional harm that can be done from systematic abuse needs time.
However, it’s harder to be a victim when your children are at stake; and you’ve already put them first by escaping a hard relationship. Now you must rebuild. You take the foundations of what is left of your family, and you build new blocks. These won’t be straightforward and you and your children need a lot of support, but it’s all going to come good in the end if you keep chasing that calm finish line.
